Mission Statement

My dream is to save the world from Bridezillas, one post at a time. Bridezillaitis is often contagious and new brides should be wary of catching said disease. It is treatable and with a little help we can cure others who have contracted the disease through their newly received engagement rings- most noteably those whose diamonds weren't conflict free!


Inability to laugh is one symptom of the disease. If you read the enclosed posts and do not feel the urge to laugh I urge you to seek help immediately !


Monday, September 27, 2010

New Beginnings

Ah, the new bride; joyful, radiant, filled with complete bliss! Single women envy them, and want to be them. Nothing more weighs on their minds than the mission to find the perfect dress, and how to make their day the ‘bestest’ ever!

But there’s a dark underbelly to this time for some newly engaged brides (and grooms to be). Conflicts wrought with emotion, anger, fear or even misery and it has nothing to do with the dieting involved to fit into that dress.

How many brides out there have found yourselves stuck in this situation? Your significant other of however long proposes, you accept and it’s all bubbly and shiny joy. Oh happy day, you’re getting married! You tell your parents, your friends, your loved ones and can’t wait to have them celebrate with you, only to have their cold cynicism wash over you.

“He’s/ She's not good enough”, “you’re too young”, “you’re just settling”, “he’s not/ she’s not (insert your parents religion here)”, and you find yourself arguing or defending your choice of a future mate.

You might find yourself in a situation like mine. I was 31 years old and my boyfriend of 5 years proposed and I joyfully accepted. My parents were not exactly flowing over with happiness for me, but they were sure joyful to anyone else they told. Finally- a daughter married- now our lives are complete! We started the wedding planning, and fiancĂ© and I told them our vision of getting married in a garden or outdoor setting and my dear sweet very catholic mother flipped out. Suddenly instead of joyful new bride to be, I’m the shameful, family embarrassment; the one tearing out my poor parents hearts and stomping on everything that they worship when all I want to do is to celebrate what I believe.

When did this become so hard? When did emotional bloodletting become the new norm in family wedding celebrations and how come I missed the memo?! Forget the latest color trends, this is the sort of thing they need to be preparing you for in those Bridal Magazines.

I’m not sure exactly why my mother was so surprised. This non- catholic me has been around for a very long time; more than 15 years, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it- she just kept hoping that it would go away. I haven’t gone to church in years, except when attending a funeral or a wedding, and even then I remain respectfully quiet and non participatory. I don’t have a new religion that I wish to turn towards; I’m simply choosing not to continue in the one that my parents have chosen for me. I think that she would rather have heard that I’d dabbled in prostitution or was a heroin addict with no intention of getting clean.

Well maybe not, but my beliefs, my wishes weren’t being considered, just the age old reason for doing anything- “What would the neighbors/family/world think?!”

Heaven forbid that anything is done for personal pleasure, or for our own wishes. That is too selfish. Instead we should do things to please others, and walk the road that they choose for us, because who wants to be the lone person swimming against the crowd?

I do. (There look I learned my lines for the wedding early on!.) I was raised, I thought, to believe in myself. I want to walk the path of my own choosing and I want to do it in a white dress (of my own choosing). The question was how to get there without carrying years and years of guilt, while still keeping family ties. How unfortunate that the SAT’s prepared me to expect analogies and multiple choice.

The Answer took awhile to come to, but in the end it was simple. I had to really fight for what I wanted – a marriage. I had to find my way forward with my fiancĂ© to reflect what we believed. But it took us nearly a year and even some therapy to find our way there. Sound familiar? Well stick around, because it does get better. It just is a lot more than a white dress and some flowers, no matter what any of the magazines tell you.

Next time on Sarcastic Bride: Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, planning a wedding while working 9-5, and the fracture of my inner monologue.

1 comment:

  1. Ah, I remember my first comment to you after you told me you got engage. "Your mother must be thrilled that you're no longer going to be LIVING IN SIN!"
    Oooh, you rebel you. ;)

    ReplyDelete